Relationship First
Nathan Adams · Tidal Church Moncton · October 2, 2022 · The Social Distance series
Nathan Adams looks at Jesus with Matthew and other sinners in Luke 5, plus the Prodigal Son and the woman at the well. He shows that Jesus put relationship first and values second, and invites us to welcome people who see life differently.
More from Nathan Adams · The The Social Distance series
Topics: Relationships, Mission & Outreach, Discipleship
Transcript
[0:00] Hello Church, what's happening lately? Anything, any hurricanes? Man, I hope you all did okay. I had my car parked in one spot and the Lord kind of said, "Nathan, get off your butt, move your car," and a tree came down right there. So, you know, things, all kinds of things happen. There were people that lost a lot. I hope you're okay. We had a great service last Sunday in Atrium with limited power, and Pastor Jeremy delivered a wonderful, timely sermon called Fear Not. Now, I was at home coughing with no power and COVID, but I'm better now, so, and plus we've got lots of distance, right, Randy? All right, good. I feel like, though. I wish I could sit down with each one of you. I don't say that lightly, and it's not possible.
[0:48] But I get a little taste. I get to sit down with people a couple times each week, and I have a little sense. So if I knew you before, I can't believe how much has happened in the last two years, and I feel like I want to catch up with each one of you, and your sorrows and your celebrations. And then I see all these people that are brand new in the last couple years or so, and I would love to sit down there and just, like, get to know you, right to the core of who you are. Is that going to happen? Maybe with a few. What I'm excited about is our small groups, so because in our small groups these connections that we need happen. Did you know that as small groups kicks off today, that there's 60 small groups? 60. That means that 700 people roughly are in small groups. That is the kind of church we wanted to be, and that is actually the kind of church we are.
[1:44] So let's give God some praise for that. These small groups are worshiping and praying together and studying together in Russian, French, Portuguese, Spanish, and English, and I think, especially, Pat, thanks, Pastor Pat, that is one of the key things that has kept our church strong during this, you know. There's a lot of churches right now that don't have many people coming back, because they realize, no one even knew me anyway. But in these small groups we become connected. And then there's other things we have to catch up on. We have Love Atlantic. This is exciting, that over 100 churches from a whole bunch of different denominations are going to serve together in Jesus' name and just find needs in their community. And so we need to do that too. An easy, of course, thing to think about is look around your neighborhood and see who hasn't picked up their trees yet. See who hasn't raked their yard. See who has shingles missing on the top of the roof, if that's in your wheelhouse, and see what you can do with your family, your friends, and maybe your small group. That's this week. I'm excited about that.
[2:55] And now we're in our final week of the series that we've been doing called The Social Distance. I have to remind you a little bit because it's been quite a spin the last bit. First week, we talked about replacing a spirit of offense, of being offended, with a spirit of forgiveness. And if you were able to begin to do that, you may be seeing relationships with those you are closest to getting better. And then Pastor Jim preached about a lifestyle of reaching out to neighbors and those that are in our areas. Remember the tic-tac-toe thing? And so he said, identify the people around you, at school, at work, in your neighborhood, begin to pray for them, notice their needs, and see what you can do. And so now we're getting ready, if you've internalized that, to kick off not just a, "Hey, we did Love Week.
[3:46] We're done." No, to kick off a lifestyle. We're getting ready to do that. And so if that's happening, we're gonna be around non-Christians more, people with different values in our cells, and I don't want to tell you something exciting. It's gonna happen: very awkward conversations. Have you been in a conversation with someone that swears so much, it takes you about three sentences before you can realize if they're telling you off or just excited to see you? And then it gets more awkward even still as we begin to realize, whoa, they see that a lot differently, that partnership, that sexuality. They're smoking something. I wouldn't, you know, and viewpoints are so different, and before you know it, you're nodding with this little tense smile as they talk, and then they find out you're a Christian along the way, and then they start with a tense smile, and everyone starts this little dance where we don't want to step on any explosive topics.
[4:43] You know, that's the only guidance I know, by the way, is an awkward dance. And the relationship goes nowhere. This inability to connect with others who hold different values than us is not just a Christian problem, although we do experience it, and I want to help us with that today, hopefully. Whole groups of people get written off by whole other groups of people. We find out someone's in a category, even though cancel. Goodbye. Don't want to get to know you, whatever. And what we're actually doing is we're saying relationship is only going to be pursued with people who meet our personal values test. And if we fail their test or they fail our test, no relationship.
[5:33] Luckily, Jesus is going to help us with this. He had an actual social approach, and we're going to start by looking at it in the calling of the disciple Matthew, also known as Levi. This is the Matthew who would become one of Jesus' closest 12 disciples and later, right, the Gospel of Matthew. Look where Jesus found him. Luke chapter 5. "After this, Jesus went out and saw a tax collector by the name of Levi," or Matthew, "sitting at his tax booth. 'Follow me,' Jesus said to him. And Levi got up, left everything, and followed Him. Then Levi held a great banquet for Jesus at his house, and a large crowd of tax collectors."
[6:21] Tax collector just was the worst. You could be back down. Okay, "a large crowd of tax collectors and others were eating with them. But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law who belong to their sect complained to Jesus' disciples, 'Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?' Jesus answered them, 'It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.'" So we see that Levi, or Matthew, has thrown this great big party at his house, a banquet. He's invited all his sinful friends to meet Jesus. The value system of Jesus and the value system of these sinners could not have been more different.
[7:11] But Jesus is entering into relationship with them anyway. He's eating, He's drinking, He's laughing, He's enjoying their company. And He's finding out about their lives, somehow connecting easily with people who are very different from Himself, and the Pharisees are shocked and say to His disciples, "How can this be?" I said a few weeks ago that the Pharisees and Jesus were so close in the way they lived and acted that at first you might think they were the same. And this is one of those situations where the Pharisees and Jesus, they both have values, they both have relationships, but they put those two together in very different ways.
[7:58] Now I had an experience in the last couple of years while I was in Montreal where other people's values disqualified me from relationship with them. I took a job at McGill where my job was to support graduate students. I thought, well, hey, I was a pastor, I certainly can support a few students that are a little bit lost, and that went fine. But that placed me on a council that I would call a very activist council, if that makes any sense. I looked around, I realized I was 10 years older than everyone. I realized I was the only person that would identify as a Christian. I realized I was the only straight white male out of 16 people. And I thought, doesn't matter, they'll get to know me. But then I started feeling these little things, you know, like you go and try to sit in a chair and all of a sudden somebody's jacket's in the chair before I can get there, little looks on people's faces, or I'd listen to everything that was said and said, "What about this?"
[8:55] And be like I hadn't spoken, and they just move on. Now, I don't know what it's like to be a true minority, but I felt something there where they were prejudging me based on some stereotype of a person. They didn't even get to know me. And then I got a letter from one of the people that was in charge, and they detailed all my shortcomings, all the ways I hadn't served a student, right, and even said I was racist. Boy, that made me mad. I wanted to just get my resume out. I wanted to say, "Hey, talk to my buddy Luciano, who stayed with me for three years. He's not white and he's my brother. Talk to all the people among the West Indians that I helped. Talk to people in Haiti that I did stuff with, because you know what? I'm not."
[9:41] And then God spoke to me and said, "I know you're not, but what you are is a person who can very easily do that to non-Christians, what they were doing to me: prejudging me, using a values test to disqualify from relationship." If I'm not careful as a Christian, I can do the exact same thing to non-Christians. We do it in these little ways. We tell non-Christians in little ways that they're not quite up to par, that they don't quite get it, that it's not acceptable what they're doing. And in a million little ways we send these signals.
[10:26] And they eventually do get the message, and they leave the group, they leave the relationship. So this is what the Pharisees were doing with sinners. If you don't meet their values tests, no relationship. And Jesus answered them, "It's not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have come not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance." Jesus does not exclude sinners because they're unworthy, but instead He has compassion on them as hurting people. He's like a doctor with good bedside manner. And a doctor needs to be with the sick if they're going to do their job. Jesus wants us to be around sick people. Now, this is something we need to think about here for a second, lest we be hypocrites.
[11:14] If you've been raised in a Christian home, what have your parents said to you? If you're a Christian parent, what do you say to your kids? You say things like 1 Corinthians 15:33, "Bad company ruins good morals," or Proverbs 27:17, "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." So, in other words, hang out with good people. We don't want bad influences in your lives, kids. And so we've got that, but on the other hand, and this is a scriptural principle, that we need good people around us. But on the other hand, Jesus says the sick need a doctor. We need to learn how to hold both of those at the same time if we're so weak in our relationship with Christ that if we get around non-Christians, we start sliding.
[11:59] The solution is not to exclude non-Christians. The solution is to get deeper with Jesus. This doesn't mean we lose all wisdom. A former drug addict, like, all of a sudden feel like, "I need to go hang out with my former dealer and witness to Jesus." Don't do it. There's going to be some appropriate ways that the Lord is going to have you interact with non-Christians. We need a lot of wisdom in relationships, and in relationships the solution is not often either/or, it's both/and. We need to choose to have relationships with non-believers in a way that we also maintain our values. We need to choose both. But we also need to choose them in a certain way, and I want to zero in right now on the way Jesus did it, and what I'm going to say is controversial.
[12:54] I'm not saying it to be controversial. I've done that in the past, but I'm not doing that right now. I'm just saying it because it's true, and we're gonna have to process it. Jesus put relationships first, values second. I can imagine your reaction. "Are you telling me that the guy who said, 'I'm the way, the truth, and the life,' put values second? Are you telling me that the guy that gave us the Sermon on the Mount, the highest values that there is an example of in human history, put values second? Is that what you're telling me, pastor?" Okay. I'm saying Jesus put relationship first, values second. I am not saying that the values are optional. They are required, in fact.
[13:40] If you have a Jesus without values, then you have half a Jesus. And half of Jesus cannot save you. Jesus consistently said, "If you love Me, you will keep My commandments." On the other hand, what I'm saying is that Jesus held both of these truths, relationship and values, in a certain order: relationship first, values second. So let me put up this slide here for a second that shows these three options. In the world, the world is very happy with half of Jesus: relationship only. It's the hippie pie bobblehead Jesus, that Jesus.
[14:27] But the Pharisees, they had values first, relationships second. Jesus, though, I'm saying, put relationship first and values second, not as an optional second, but as a second, so that you can rest assured that I'm telling you about the real Jesus and not my pet version of Jesus. Let's look at a few examples. And as we do so, I want you to fix in your mind right now people that you know that are non-Christians. They might be your family members. They might be a non-Christian friend that you have, or maybe you don't have any non-Christian friends. Think about acquaintances, think about people you work with, study with, live around.
[15:14] You have a couple of those people in your mind right now. Okay, let's explore this then. Let's start with a couple famous examples. The Prodigal Son. Everyone knows the story, and if you don't, you're going to know in a second. A wild child young adult asks his father for half his inheritance. He then takes that money and squanders a lifetime of hard work on prostitutes and partying until he's destitute and hungry, getting a job feeding pigs. and thinking I could eat pig food. I'm so hungry. And so he decides he's going to go home and offer himself as a servant to his father, and Luke 15:20 says, "And he arose and came to his father. While he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, 'Father, I've sinned against heaven, and before you I am no longer worthy to be called your son.' But the father said to his servants, 'Bring quickly the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and shoes on his feet, and bring the fatted calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate, for this son of mine was dead and he's alive again. He was lost and found.'" And they began to celebrate.
[16:27] You see, this young man had violated all the values. But the very first thing the father did was hug him. Imagine that principle in our families. The very first thing, Jesus put relationships first. Let's call it hugs today: hugs first, value second. The second famous example is the woman at the well in John chapter 4. It says, a woman from Samaria came to draw water. People from Samaria, by the way, were disdained by the rest of the Jews because they viewed as having compromised the pure religion. But Jesus said to her, to this woman from Samaria, "Give me a drink." For disciples had gone into that city to buy food. Okay, that also is crazy. Men just didn't talk to single women at that time.
[17:22] Jesus just says, I'm going to bypass that. The Samaritan woman said to Him, "How is it that You would Jew ask for a drink from me, a woman of Samaria? For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans." Jesus is stepping past a couple values that weren't quite as important as maybe everyone thought they were. And He's valuing that woman. He's interacting with her. He's taking seriously who she is. He's looking at her. He sees her. And He engages with her, and in the course of a conversation that starts with relationship, the topic of values does come up. Jesus does say, identify in a prophetic manner that freaks her out, says, "Go call your husband." And she goes, "Well, I don't have a husband." He goes, "You're right.
[18:16] You've had five husbands. And the man you're with right now is not your husband." But you see, if He had started with that type of thing, where would the conversation have gone? He started with valuing her, and then as He spoke to her life, it impacted her so deeply that not only did she repent, she ran back to that village and said, "Come see a man who told me everything I've ever done." And the whole village came to Christ. You see, Jesus put relationship first, as in valuing her. He put valuing her first and value second, and guess what values followed in her life. The same pattern of valuing the person first and values following can be seen in the story of Jesus and the woman caught in adultery in John chapter 8.
[19:09] Jesus interacts with this woman with a quiet grace, deflecting the judgment of others away from her by reminding them of their own sins. And He saves her life that day. And in John chapter 8, verse 10, Jesus stood up and said to her, "Woman, where are they? Your accusers. Has no one condemned you?" She said, "No one, Lord." And Jesus said, "Neither do I condemn you. Go, and from now on sin no more." Do you see how He simultaneously values that woman and calls her to holiness? It's just so amazing how He can do that, and He did it because He valued her as a person first, and then got to the values themselves second.
[20:00] You may wonder if I have cherry-picked. Everyone seems to want to invent a Jesus that works for them, right? You may have wondered if I've cherry-picked just a few little interactions to paint this rosy picture of Jesus. Well, let's think about the broad picture of Jesus then in the Gospels. The two things that Jesus did day in and day out was, He healed people and He taught people. All the time. You know how I would do it? I would teach people, and those that responded, then I'd pray with them so they could be healed, if I was Jesus. Yeah, no one's asked. But Jesus heals everyone that comes to Him.
[20:49] And then He teaches. You see, there's no qualification for the healing love of Jesus. I found that if you go up to non-Christians and you ask them if they'd like to talk about Jesus, there's not a whole lot of them that want to. I've also found, though, that if you go up to non-Christians and you ask them if you could pray for them, a surprising amount of them are very eager to have prayer. It's the principle of relationship first, values second, or in this case, healing first, value second. Now, you might dispute my controversial statement by saying, what about Jesus' statements of judgment? And the thing is, Jesus said those for sure. The world wants to ignore them.
[21:45] But here's the question: how did He say these statements of judgment? How many of you have been to the doctor and in basically, you came away with the feeling that the doctor said, you're fat, you're out of shape, you're gonna die an early death. It's not encouraging, is it? To see another doctor, though, can say essentially the same stuff in different words and say, "You've been through a lot. You've had a heart attack, or you've had this health complication. I'm so sorry that happened to you. Can we put together a plan that will extend your life?" Slightly more encouraging, isn't it? Well, tone matters, so listen to the tone of the heart of Jesus as He delivers a judgment upon Jerusalem in Luke chapter 13.
[22:39] "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it. How often I would have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing. Behold, your house is forsaken. And I tell you, you will not see me until you say, 'Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord.'" And in a very similar passage in Luke 19, "And when He drew near and saw the city, He wept over it, saying, 'Would that you, even you, had known on this day the things that make for peace. But now they're hidden from your eyes.'" And judgment's coming. Do you see the difference? This is the doctor with good bedside manner. His whole heart leaps out from these texts.
[23:30] He wasn't just all business, even when He came to raise Lazarus from the dead and knew was gonna happen. He stops before that tomb and He weeps. For all the things that had happened, all the things that Lazarus and his family have been through, Jesus had such a tone, such a heart. You can see it and how people reacted to Him. There are two separate stories in the Gospels where Jesus was at someone's house eating, having relationship. And a woman came in and came up to His feet, a woman that Jesus had personally valued and impacted, and she cried over His feet and wet the dust off His feet with her tears, wiped the dust with her hair like a towel, and then brought a very valuable perfume and spread it on His feet.
[24:23] Two different times this happened. Who gets that kind of reaction from people? Someone who has treated them with heart and is love them. Jesus put relationship first and maybe say the word heart. And value second. And my friends, we need that Jesus. We can barely see people anymore for the politics. The world is locked in a battle over value systems, and we have stopped putting relationships first. But when we put relationships first, we begin to see people differently. We begin to see them as created in the image of God. Is it messed up a little bit? It sure is. Look in the mirror. The problem's endemic.
[25:11] When we see people created in the image of God, we see that there's still beauty in them, no matter what's going on. We see that God is still at work in these people's lives. Two weeks ago, I was listening to a blue collar guy from my neighborhood, and he expressed his emotions with such a series of the most artfully strung together swear words. But rather than being preoccupied by his profanity, I was drawn into his story. He could tell that I was open to him. I leaned in, and the guy just told me way more than he should have for the little interaction we had. But now we got to start on relationship. When we put relationships first, my friends, our inflection changes, our tone changes. We begin to have good bedside manner. We're open when we talk to people. The strange smiles are replaced by an easy manner.
[26:08] We begin to affirm them as fellow human beings. There's compassion in our eyes. There's curiosity in our expression. We actually want to know what their lives are about. Our words, when we share them, are wrapped in layers of value for the other person, and our hearts go out to them in a way they can feel. And so if we do ask them if we can pray for them, they don't take it as a word of judgment but as a valuing of who they are. We are comfortable around sinners, hanging out with them. We enjoy being with them, and let me say something extremely controversial: we learn from them. We learn from them. Just because you have the gospel to share doesn't mean you have nothing to learn. Jesus' approach was ultimately this in Romans chapter 5, verse 6.
[27:01] You see, just at the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a really good person. Though for a good person, someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we are still sinners, Christ died for us. While we were still sinners, Jesus put relationship first. Hugs first, valuing her first, healing first, heart first, values second.
[27:46] What if we did the same? In our families, with our neighbors, as we serve.